Box of Hats and Wigs |
Hello. I'm Jonathan Cresswell. I used to blog here daily, but that fell through and now I store bits and pieces on here. I'm a journalist/web designer/madman. Read my actual blog or find out more about me on my website. I also tweet. |
I don’t remember the ceremony, how it happened, or even why, but it appears I’m married.
This might come as a shocking revelation to you (the thought of me being married), but don’t worry, it was as unexpected for me as well.
It only dawned on me the other day when after a lecture Ashleigh asked me if I wanted to go in to town as she had to go to the bank and pick a few things up. Fair enough, you might think, however it should be obvious that whatever I were to say next wouldn’t really matter
“I don’t really have a choice, do I?” I asked her.
“Hrrrm, nope.”
So that’s all fine, really. Going in to town centre, with a friend, that’s relatively normal. Except I’m being dragged around shopping for a bit. After she pays some money in to the bank, we’re in Wilkinsons as she picks up some creams of the facial variety (I don’t know what they do apart from cost a lot of money), a few bits of food and some stationery. She’s taken me shopping. SHIT. This wasn’t supposed to happen.
It’s just like being married. Taken shopping while she buys various beauty products, tells me off for not packing the bag at the till and even accuses me of not listening to her at one point. Good god, it IS just like being married. Especially the lack of sex element.
Later that day, I walked past her on the way to Morrisons to buy food I didn’t particularly need but wanted to anyway (hello, doughnuts with sprinkles), at which point she says I’m following her and hits me. Domestic violence!
…I want a divorce. But she’s not getting half of my stuff.
